This week I’m so excited to welcome Kia Bing-Davies as my guest blogger. Kia is one of the most amazing women I’ve ever had the privilege to meet. The second time we met we just knew we had much more than a love of dogs in common! We both love helping people and guiding them to live happier more fulfilled lives. Originally from the US, Kia trained as a lawyer, but realised she was destined for much more… In this week’s blog Kia shares how she got out of her own way and now leads the life of her dreams doing what she loves.
Okay I’m Going For It!
You’ve decided that you want to lose some weight, hand in your notice, start you own business or write that novel that’s been brewing inside of you. It’s time to make a start. Today. Right now.
Well, maybe in a little while. Just after you do one load of laundry. Or empty the dishwasher or clean out the refrigerator or check your emails.
Again. Even better, you make a list of things you want to accomplish for the week and then you end up doing all of the “quick win” things that don’t really have anything to do with the big thing you want to accomplish. Or you do other things that aren’t on the list and then add them at the end of the list to show how busy you have been during the day.
Do these procrastinating, self-sabotaging tactics sound familiar? Or, is it just me?
Well, just in case I’m not just talking to myself and you can relate to what I am saying like we are long-lost cousins, I thought I would clue you in on what could be blocking your success. You are pushing yourself out of your comfort zone – and this one act can stop you in your tracks or spur you on.
Time To Look At Myself
I thought back to my own behaviour. To all of the times when I felt the most alive, when I performed the best, when I had the most fun and the most a-ha moments. It was when I was outside of my comfort zone. Examples include …..
- Jumping on a plane to move to a foreign country with no job;
- Camping solo on the top of a mountain for 5 days with just a tent and a bag of apples;
- Booking my wedding in a place neither my husband nor I had ever been;
- Quitting my job to start my counselling and coaching practice.
I realized that I thrive on being a little out of my comfort zone. I enjoy the sheer buzz of it and I love pushing myself. But even for me there can be a point where the discomfort of trying something new can give me pause.
It sounds silly, right? Getting out of your comfort zone should not put an end to your dreams, goals or ambitions before they begin. But it happens to many of us. Why? What is a comfort zone and how can you step out of it without pinging yourself back in like a giant rubber band?
What Is A Comfort Zone?
Firstly, what is a comfort zone? Your comfort zone is just that. It is literally that familiar space where you are currently operating. Your comfort zone is your habits, how you behave in your normal day-to-day life and what activities you participate in regularly.
You operate in this zone because your brain has decided that nothing to date has killed you and it knows exactly what to do because it has been presented with many scenarios up to this point, which it has navigated successfully.
The thing with your brain is, it hates change. Your brain is wired to avoid pain and keep you out of danger. It wants to keep you safe and therefore it will work hard to avoid any new situation it has not encountered before. Stepping outside of your comfort zone certainly qualifies.
So, now are you are asking how you condition your brain to let you do new stuff? The short answer is to pacify the brain with what I like to call “Stretch Behaviours”. These help to create new neural pathways to success.
Sounds Good How Do I Actually Do It?
Get To Know Your Why
Why do you want what you want? Why do you want to accomplish this goal? Is it your goal or are you doing it for someone else?
Come Up With Three Feeling Words
How do you want to feel when you reach the finish line? What are the prevailing emotions? Where is it in your body? Feel into those words and amplify the feelings. Make them bigger and brighter.
What is something different that you can do right now, today that is in line with your ultimate goal? By accomplishing your small thing, you are showing your brain that you are safe and this increases your ability to take bigger steps toward your goals.
Do this new thing for a few days. When it begins to feel comfortable, change what you are doing and stretch yourself so that you are increasing the scope of your actions.
For example, if running a marathon is your goal, start with jogging 1 mile. When that is comfortable, increase to 2 or 3 or whatever stretches you. Be careful not to overstretch though.
If the stretch is too big a leap, this can kick you into fear mode and cause you to head back to the comfort zone.
Visualise Your End Goal
Make this as vivid as possible. Now visualise all of the steps that you will have taken to get there. Make those as vivid and detailed as possible.
What actions did you take? Which people were instrumental in helping you?
The brain cannot tell if what it is seeing is reality or fantasy. If you replay this enough, your brain will help you to create, act upon and deliver your goals.
Find people who inspire you – people who have overcome great obstacles, have had great ideas, a unique creative process or a strong work ethic. Talk to them if you can or read their biography. Find inspiration wherever you can. If they can do it, you can too!
Birds Of A Feather
Your activity levels, performance and earning potential are the average of your six closest contacts.
Surround yourself with positive and driven people and you will be too.
Find A Mentor
Mentors are fabulous because they have been where you are, so know all of the hurdles that you face and have overcome them.
A mentor can help to guide you and push you in all the right directions.
Find someone who can hold you accountable when you set tasks for yourself. It is much harder to miss a deadline when someone else knows about it!
Believe In Yourself
Believe, breathe and keep going.
Knowing that you can do anything you set your mind to.
Remember to slow down and take a breath, giving yourself some space for creativity to flow.
And keep going – taking one step at a time until you reach your goals!
Just Remember …
Comfort zones are fine if you want to stay where you are. But, if you want the life of your dreams, keep pushing yourself until your Stretch Zone becomes your new Comfort Zone. This is where all of the magic is!
Philadelphia-born Spiritual Counsellor, Life Coach, Writer and Vlogger, Kia Bing-Davies has always been guided by her intuition and overwhelming desire to connect to everyone and everything on a deeper level. Following a successful career in PR and Law that took in New York, Hawaii, the Canary Islands and UK, Kia eventually decided to quit her former career and pursue her Spiritual Counselling and Transformational Life Coaching practice full time. Her passion is to help people, especially women, to live happy and fulfilled lives by strengthening their own internal compass, feminine expression and realignment with purpose. She is the founder of the Women’s Knowing Circle, based in Buckinghamshire, which aims to connect women to their intuition and intrinsic knowing.
“I believe that we all have more potential than we know but we need to realign with our true nature and purpose. It is my mission to help my clients do just that by having powerful breakthroughs and seeing that they are limitless, unstoppable and are able to have and achieve whatever their hearts desire.”
Kia is qualified in Spiritual Counselling, Hypnotherapy, Life Coaching, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Matrix Reimprinting, Soul Plan, Soul Transformation Therapy, Reiki (Master), Crystal Therapy and Meditation. Check out Kia’s website here